So you’ve got engaged, shared your amazing news with everyone, and the first thing everyone asks is: “When’s the date?” You realise you’ve just created yourself a second full-time job alongside your current one – wedding planning.

I know wedding planning can be full-on. I speak to couples at all sorts of stages of their wedding journey, and the highs and lows of planning always come up in conversation. What starts out as something exciting can quickly turn into a giant list of things you’re apparently supposed to do.

And then, before you know it, it can feel like the day itself is running away from you, and that the most important day of your life might not actually be the most relaxing!

Well, here’s your reminder – the most important thing is that you get married to the person you love, surrounded by your favourite people. Everything else is a bonus.

Here are my five tips for planning a more relaxed wedding.

1. Choose your venue carefully

Yes, you want somewhere beautiful. But when you’re choosing your wedding venue, don’t just think about how it will look in the photographs. think carefully about your day and how it might unfold at that venue.

My number 1 tip is to make sure you have a wet weather plan. This is whether you are getting married in January or July! Is there somewhere genuinely nice for everyone to go if it rains or is cold? And I don’t mean squeezing 100 people under a stretch tent while you cross your fingers that the rain stops.

Secondly, think about logistics and travel. Where will you get ready? What time can you get in? Can you get the rooms decorated the day before? Do you have to clear out early in the morning? Is there lots of travelling for guests? Is there parking?

Thirdly, thinking about your guests and their needs is a must. Older guests especially might looking for relaxing, quiet comfortable spaces to be on your day, younger guests might want somewhere to break out and play away during the more important parts of the day.

Getting these details sorted beforehand means they’re one less thing to worry about on the day itself.

A few Hertfordshire wedding venues I’ve photographed (for all different kinds of days) that tick a lot of these boxes include:

Ashridge House – plenty of indoor spaces to use, including a lovely library and lounge. Check out Annabel and Phil’s winter wedding here, where the endless rainy weather had no effect on their day!

The Waterside Wedding Venue – this lovely relaxed venue has plenty of indoor spaces, plus a lovely garden you can spread out in if you luck out with sunshine. Alicia and Peter’s wedding didn’t need the shelter, but their older guests benefited from the seating area in the pub at the end of the night.

Tewin Bury Farm – another lovely venue with an indoor bar area that guests can use when the main barn is being turned around, plus lots of rooms for guests to stay in. Martha and Nick had a winter wedding here and made use of all the indoor spaces.

The Farmhouse at Redcoats –-a lovely barn venue with an indoor bar area, sofas and plenty of covered outdoor space to use while the barn is being turned around. Plus, it’s also a hotel! Felix and Ellie had a lovely autumn wedding here.

You might also want to check out my Pub Wedding Venues near London guide – I highly recommend a pub for a super relaxed wedding day all round!

2. Don’t overplan your timeline

One of the easiest ways to make a wedding day feel stressful is to feel like you have to do everything and fit it all into one day.

My number one tip is to plan for some empty space. One part of the day where I’d recommend allowing at least two hours is your drinks reception. This is usually the time between your ceremony and the next big event, whether that’s speeches or your wedding breakfast. It gives you time for any photographs you’d like, without having to rush, and still leaves plenty of time to catch up with your guests and enjoy all those canapés you spent ages choosing!

But your wedding timeline doesn’t have to follow a set formula either. Ever thought about having a drinks reception BEFORE getting married? Would you like to skip those formal photos and just have lots of lovely candids?

I’ve also put together some alternative wedding timelines for couples who want a day that feels a little less traditional and a lot more like them.

If you’re wondering how much time you’ll actually spend having photographs taken, I’ve also got a guide to how much time you really need for wedding photographs.

3. Don’t spend your whole day having photos taken

I know one of the most exciting parts of wedding planning is looking at other people’s weddings for ideas and inspiration! I hope lots of my real wedding blogs help couples picture what their own day could look like.

But one thing I’d say is try not to get too caught up in creating a list of photographs you feel you should have. It’s worth remembering that photographs take a little planning and time to set up, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting those photographs if they’re important to you. But don’t feel you need to squeeze them all in just because you’ve seen them elsewhere.

My advice is to have a think about the photographs that genuinely matter to you, let your photographer know about anything particularly important, and then give yourself permission to enjoy the day without worrying about what’s happening in front of the camera or having to organise the photographs yourself.

If you’re not sure what to expect, you can also see the photographs I typically capture throughout a wedding day. I’d always recommend asking to see a full wedding gallery before booking a photographer, too, so you can get a feel for how they photograph an entire day, rather than just the highlights you see on Instagram.

You also don’t need to spend ages having endless group photographs if you don’t want to. I’ve put together my tips for choosing how many formal group photographs to have at your wedding to help you work out what you actually need.

And of course, if there’s something a little bit different and unique to you, then I need to know about it! A singing choir walking you down the aisle? Tell me so I’m not surprised too! A secret plan to sing to your new spouse during your first dance? Let me know! These are the little things that make your day yours, and once I know about them, you can trust that I’ll be in the right place at the right time.

4. Keep the formalities to a minimum

If you’re not particularly keen on being the centre of attention all day (I know this is something lots of my couples feel a little uncomfortable with), you don’t have to follow all the usual traditions.

Here’s a few things you don’t need to do if you don’t want to:

1. You don’t need to make a huge, long speech! Keep it to a short toast, or find a guest who is comfortable being your MC for the day and ask them to lead the speeches and toasts instead. Or just skip speeches altogether!
2. You can keep your vows private. If you don’t want to share them in front of all your guests, you can arrange to read them to each other beforehand. Rachel and Patrick’s wedding included a lovely pre-wedding moment together to calm their nerves before the ceremony, when they read some beautiful private vows to each other.
3. You don’t have to have a traditional first dance. If an awkward first dance shuffle isn’t your thing, choose one amazing track that launches all your guests onto the dancefloor and get your wedding party to start the party when it comes on. Everyone else will soon follow! That’s exactly what Kejal and Euan did.
4. You don’t have to have formal group photos – let your photographer know who’s important to you ahead of the day, and have them capture lots of lovely natural ones of those guests throughout the day instead.

5. Do the day YOUR way

Finally, I hope after reading this you’ve realised that you have permission to do things your way!

You don’t need to tick every box, follow every tradition or squeeze in every wedding element. You can have a big wedding or a tiny one, a packed day or a really relaxed one. You can have all the traditions or none of them.

The best weddings I’ve photographed aren’t necessarily the ones with the most elaborate plans. They’re the ones where couples have made choices that feel right for them, surrounded themselves with their favourite people and actually had time to enjoy it all.

And that’s my number one tip for a relaxed wedding – make it a day you want to be part of!

Planning your own Hertfordshire wedding?

If you’re looking for a photographer who’ll help you feel comfortable, give you space to enjoy your day and capture all the lovely things happening along the way, I’d love to hear what you’re planning.

Find out more about how I work or get in touch for a chat.